June 4th - Holding on too tightly

I haven't even had my first doctors appointment since I found out I was pregnant again. We want to wait until we hear the heartbeat and see the baby before we tell family.
I remember a friend who had a miscarriage and when she called to tell me she was pregnant again, she said she was 16 weeks and could finally let herself get excited. I am not sure how to do that. I don't know how to put my guard up in that sense and not get excited and attached already. I think it's impossible to not get attached. 
I have already started thinking about what the holidays will be like this year cause I wont be able to travel by then. Thinking about how long we wait to start pulling baby stuff out again etc. My mind goes to those things instantly. I dream already of the new born, v-day,  and St. Patties Day pictures I will take of my little one. That St. Patties Day is probably when we will fly back to Iowa for the first time to introduce baby Felty #2 to everyone. But, that is how I felt with Liam. I envisioned everything with him from holidays, to the pictures I would take when he was born, to a million different things I was let done and those dreams were shattered. It's hard not to let myself believe that I am just setting myself up for failure again. 
I can tell that Brad is more reserved this time. Not only it is our second pregnancy so everything isn't quit as new and exciting as the first time, but also a little reserved in the "what if's" Brad is better at being realistic, and I am more of a romantic and a dreamer. 
It's those emotions that I knew were going to be there, where everything is peppered with sadness, excitement, and a little bit of fear. So it's not the same as when I was pregnant with Liam and it was crazy joy all the time. We told family right away because the thought of something happening never even crossed our minds. But, things change, life changes. 
It's like I was to curl up in a ball for 9 months with my arms over my belly protecting my baby. But God says "Don't hold on too tightly." This baby is a gift and really isn't mind to begin with, but God's. Does giving my baby over to God's hands mean it's going to die, NO! It means I have to take a massive leap of faith and trust my baby into God's care. Not that I didn't before, but I still held onto Liam. 
I am afraid sometimes that if God is teaching me this lesson that means he is preparing me for another huge heartache. I have to choose on a daily basis to not believe that in my life, for me or my baby.