Brad
noticed first that Liam had my ears. Brad's lobes are attached and mine aren't.
He
had Brads eye with some puffy underneath and Brads chin.
I
am not sure who's nose he had, but I think it looks like a Glynn nose.
He
had light brown hair, I am guessing it would have been closer to my color. He
has tons of hair around the bottom of his head and it got thinner as it got
towards the top, like an old man with a receding hairline.
He
had a very strong protruding chest. Not sure if that was because he was
gone or not.
He
has very long hands, fingers, and finger nails. Not really either one of ours.
His hands were also wide! He had very long feet. He was going to be very tall.
He
had the softest skin ever. I kept tracing the outline of his face and nose with
my finger. I found myself rubbing his feet constantly while I held him. His
feet poked out the bottom of the blanket.
The
outfit mom and Brad put him in was a little big around but just barley long
enough by his hands and feet. It was a premie outfit but wouldn't have even fit
him for a week I don't think.
His
eyes were very blue. A darker very saturated blue color.
He
had eyelashes already and they were almost a red tint. Brad's beard has a red
tint to it.
He
also had some faint eyebrows.
His
lips were very thin, like Brad has. But his ultra sound pictures showed very
full lips so I think that would have been different had he been alive.
I
held him and kept thinking "I can't believe he is really here, and I can't
believe he is really gone."
It
didn't seem possible. That moment when you first see your child and know it has
some of you and some of it's dad. It's hard to believe we actually made a baby,
a person. It's something I have dreamed about for so long and imagined what it
would be like that it was hard to fathom I was holding my own child, not
someone else's.
In
that same moment I just couldn't grasp the fact that he was dead. How was this
possible? I felt totally robbed of that moment when you hear your baby cry for
the first time. That moment when they place the baby on your chest. That happy,
magical moment when they are born. I had dreamed of that moment my whole life
and now it has alluded me.
We
passed him around. Seeing Brad hold him just ripped my heart out. He looked so
great holding Liam. He looked at Liam with such an endearing look. It broke my
heart that he wasn't going to get to carry out those fatherly roles like he
should.
Seeing
my mom holding her grandson, a moment such a long time coming for her. I know
she already loved Liam with such a deep and special love. How unfair that she
flew to VB just in time to see her dead grandson born. No one should ever have
to go through that. She deserves better!
Then
seeing Cory become and uncle. More than just a title to him. He would have been
a great with Liam. It touched me to know how much Liam already meant to Cory
and much he already affected his life.
Since
we live so far away it was nice to have mom and Cory there with us. This was
still a special moment, just not in the way we envisioned it, or in the way it
was suppose to be
He
was perfect though. I know I was looking through a mothers eye but he really
was perfect. I found myself doing what you hear all mother's doing. Counting
his fingers and toes. I just couldn't stop staring at him. I wanted to hold him
forever. He was my precious baby boy, and he always will be.
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