Heaven....
I just got done seeing the movie "Heaven is for real"
The first movie I have seen by myself.
I read the book and although parts of this movie were, dare I say "cheesey", it was still moving.
Of course I thought a lot about Liam and again questioned my own beliefs. I mean we all say we believe in heaven, but do we, really?
We all want something to believe in, especially when were going through a hard time. It's easy to say that heaven is there but when you stop to think about family members or death it becomes very real, so real it's almost scary and something so unimaginable that it seems fake.
I want to believe about heaven, especially when I think about Liam and getting to see him again. But then there are times I wonder if I really believe in heaven, Jesus or any of it. Or just the idea of it?
I certainly don't live everyday like I believe it's real. Why are there times there is no question in my mind about heaven and other times I feel like I have to talk myself into it.
Todd burpo was a preacher and had spoke about heaven many times but when his own son started talking about it, he began to question.
I think heaven is easy to believe in when we are not dealing with something so real and personal in our own lives. It's easy to throw ourselves in whole hearted until it gets down to brass tax.
Truthfully, I think sometimes heaven is scary to me. Death is something you do in life totally alone, thinking about Liam and heaven sometimes puts a smile on my face and other times I go to a very dark place. A very dark day in my life and it scares me because it's so sad and so real. Heaven is suppose to be happy, yet when you think about loved ones gone, it's sad.
There are days I picture what Liam will look like when I see him again and it brings me comfort, other days, knowing Liam is in heaven doesn't make it a lick easier.
It's no wonder God decided to give this little 4 year old an experience of heaven. He speaks so matter of factly about his time in heaven without a single iota of hesitation about if it 's real. Why can't we believe like a child does? I want that youthful innocence that sees it through their eyes. I want to believe without reservation, but it's hard.
I want someone to come to me and tell me they saw Liam and he was with Jesus and happy and playing and wanted to tell me "everything is going to be ok mom."
I have often thought about Jesus coming back and sometimes I think, "Lord, I just want to get married first, have a baby etc." After this movie was over for the first time in my life I thought, "I am ready, I want to go there now! I want to see and hold Liam again."
I feel bad that it's not because I want to see Jesus. That was a lot to confess, I know Jesus is always with me and I see Izzy everyday (not that I get enough of her) but I want to see Liam. Right now that is what my heart desires about heaven. God has put eternity in the hearts of men and he has put my heart in heaven with Liam.
Sometimes it feels like that part of the dream where you are running but don't get anywhere. I feel stuck between two worlds.
One, I am very aware of, and one that is magical and mystical and mysterious to me.
"Our beliefs change our perspective"
"Faith is the only thing that opens our eyes"
Those two quotes from the movie stuck out to me. What are my beliefs and how will they change my perspective? I don't have an answer yet, but I know that faith is the only thing that can open my eyes to the truth and reality of where Liam is. To him it's real, no question.
I knew from the first moment that Liam was in heaven, why then is it so hard to believe then that it's actually real?
Sometimes I think we believe what we want or need too believe at any given moment. But this concept of heaven is something that you have to have iron clad, rooted, non wavering faith in when ya think about it.
A firm foundation.
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