As I am reading from the book "Empty Cradle Broken Heart" and the book "Holding onto Hope", I am reflecting on my own emotions, grief, Liam, and God.
I read a quote in "Holding onto Hope" that says, "Hope is symbolized in Christian iconography by an anchor. And what does an anchor do? It keeps the ship on course when the winds and waves rage against it. But the anchor of hope is sunk in heaven, not on earth."
Gregory Floyd - A grief uncalled
This is an affirmation of sorts for me. I am reminded about a verse that someone wrote in an email or in a card to me after Liam died. "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
It's a verse I know all too well and have clung to many times in my life. However, at a time when I am confused, frustrated, and even angry with God this verse just doesn't sit well.
I think to myself, "Liam never had hope or a future. Never had the opportunity to live out the plans that God had for him. Does that mean that God never had plans for Liam? Liam never had a future on this earth, never had a chance." I really struggle with that, especially knowing God's promises are true and this his word will never return void.
So I asked my high school youth pastor about it. He brought up a very good point and shed some light onto this verse for me. This verse isn't specifically talking about life on earth, but referring to heaven. It's easy (and a lot of people) to only see the here and now and be fixated on this earthly life. Sometimes it's hard for me to see what eternity looks like with Liam when I am so sad and disheartened about him not sharing this lifetime with me. I could only see that verse for what I thought it had to say about living here on earth, not in heaven.
It makes me realize that so much of my vision, thoughts, and attention are truly on the here and now. But God wants us to be fixated on heaven eternity. He as put eternity in the hearts of men. We are never fully satisfied here because we are not at home here. This is but a brief moment in the grand scheme of things. My hope isn't just having another baby (a living baby) and having that dream fulfilled in my life. It's not just about having a family, my hope is about heaven, the long term.
My focus should be on advancing the kingdom of God. Should be in wanting a deeper relationship with God and not just because I want the blessings that God has for me on this earth, but because of what is to come. I need to expand my view and see the big picture, look beyond a few years down the road and see eternity in everything I do, in the people that I meet. See eternity in Liam, I will always grieve a life never lived on this earth, but I can celebrate a life that will be spent together for longer than this one.
I need to place my anchor in heaven and not on the things of this world. There is where my heart and life are!
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